Subtle
by Satari-Raine
Summary: He's tired and just wants some time with his friend. But even that is taxing. - Judai, Johan


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX or any of the characters depicted in the story. Proper rights are owned by the respected owners individually.

**Notes:** I started writing this fic one morning because I was mad at myself and for simplicity's sake, basically just my lack of confidence and self-worth. Hopefully that negativity was channeled to make this fic a decent one – though I'm sure this doesn't have much of a plot – and here's to hoping all my fics from here on out are ones I can be proud of. Hope you enjoy.

_**Subtle**_**  
by. Satari-Raine**

* * *

Simple.

All he wanted was for it to be simple. Yubel called his wish stupid, politely so, and he didn't have the heart to fight with her. He was too exhausted from helping and fulfilling his duties, too desperate for a simple visit to Johan's, a peaceful time of respite. His determination, however, was crumbling like he was as he struggled through the snow, passing by rows of houses with windowsills and rooftops decorated in white. Everything was quiet save for the rush of the wind and the crunch of snow under his boots, Judai sighing as he peeked at tree branches decorated in a shiny coat of ice; he hadn't expected the weather to be this irritating. Bunching his red blazer over his chest, he quickened his pace as he slipped his hand-knitted yellow scarf (courtesy of Kenzan) over his nose, the clothing flapping helplessly in the wind behind him.

_You are pointlessly determined_, Yubel quipped mentally. _The word simple doesn't suit you._

"But I can dream, can't I?"

She grew silent in his mind, retreating, and empty silence filled his head. He was almost tempted to reach in there and yank her back, but he knew full well of her needs lately – she needed rest. She was just as tired as he was, his fatigue her own. But it wasn't that much of a worry, because soon enough, in a flurry of too many thoughts, he found himself knocking on a familiar door and watching a sleepy but smiling Johan appear behind it.

Simple. It'd be fine, he'd be fine.

Yet, his body reacted against his choice, a flinch when a warm hand came to rest on his shoulder, and when he sucked in a shaky breath, he sent Johan an apologetic look at the knee-jerk reaction that caused a flicker of confusion in his friend's eyes. Johan passed it off quickly, deciding it wasn't important, and stepped aside to allow Judai entrance into his home. Behind them, the snowstorm wasn't letting up and with Judai already red in the face, skin a mixture of ivory and ruby, he quickly walked in, shoulders that held so much importance sagging as soon as he passed over the threshold.

Yubel, still silent, materialized then in her ethereal form, wings unfurled in worry; Judai lurched a bit at the change. She frowned before quickly sending Johan a nod, curt, the duelist responding in kind; neither felt up to defending their fragile shells of honor. Johan stepped forward and grasped the doorknob, shutting the door behind them, and the roar of the flurries dulled. Judai briefly entertained the thought that his visits were often during a snowstorm, and wondered if that was supposed to mean anything.

Moments passed in silence, the dimly-lit room casting a foreboding shade as Judai slumped against the door to catch his breath. He was shaking, curling in on himself, with Johan a statue that demanded movement if only to offer comfort he knew would harm and heal. Yubel remained silent, expression stoic as she glanced around the homely abode, Judai assuming in what were look-outs for Johan's family.

"Hey, Judai, don't you –"

"Kuri, kuri!"

Both duelists blinked as Hane Kuriboh appeared, instantly latching onto Johan with excited trills. Laughing, Johan scooped up the duel spirit and coddled him close to his chest, Ruby Carbuncle cooing as she materialized on Johan's shoulder. Stepping uncertainly, hesitantly, Judai took Johan's distraction as an excuse to go get warm, deciding he could help himself to the shower. Stating his need, Johan just nodded in kind and followed without a word, chuckling all the while with the duel spirits. Yubel, forcibly assured by the calm look Judai sent her, that the Gem Beasts were of no issue now, retreated back into him as silent as a whisper and the duelist had to pause, hands pressed flat against the hallway wall in an attempt to steady himself as Yubel settled into his soul.

He was weak, and he was tired. Apparently Johan had noticed, but said nothing.

His hands, white and clammy against what seemed to be a wall the color blue, started to shake. Steadying himself, vision starting to blur, he continued to walk with limbs heavy, everything in him dimming his realization of the world around him. A door then opened, and steps were taken. Silver knobs were turned, the squeaks sharp. Soon enough, the sound of water rushing to meet the cold porcelain of the tub filled the air. With a tired groan, Judai watched as the water sloshed and splashed, thankful to focus on something unimportant. Bending over, he dipped a hand in only to fling it back, hissing at the heat. Johan, stepping in and taking a seat on the edge of the toilet, reached over and adjusted the knob, merely smiling when Judai offered thanks and sat down on the edge, waiting for it to fill. Silence was shared, words of no importance and of too much import unable to be spoken, Judai's throat burning with the need to say something and Johan's steady gaze lingering on the water, mouth slightly open as if he was feeling the same thing Judai was: fatigue, exhaustion, and a burning.

Judai knew he understood – they understand one another – and he _knows_ Johan wished he didn't. Because if Johan didn't understand, he'd be able to say what Judai wanted to hear and not what he needed.

But again, Johan said nothing.

A jacket fell to the floor and Judai watched as Johan abandoned whatever thoughts he had and stood, bending to pick it up with a numb grip, doing the same with the black turtleneck, the pants, the socks, everything but a pair of briefs that Judai hadn't stripped off. Judai stepped into the tub, mouth open to gasp but silence filled the void, eyes closed as if savoring the heat that was warming his chilled skin, and Johan was close to asking how long Judai had been without a bath.

He only asked with his eyes. The somber look he received was his answer.

Johan took the clothes, leaving the bathroom with a click of the door as Judai watched him go. As soon as that subtle sound faded, drowned out by water propelled by a moving limb, Yubel appeared, placing herself in the corner of the bathroom, large wings spread out, effectively blocking the door and the small cabinet in the corner. Judai smiled, a tired upturn of his lips, and she managed one in return.

"Judai?" Her arms were crossed over her chest, turquoise and orange placed on him in what she would deny to anyone else as concern. But Judai knew, and he knew she had the right to be concerned over him just as he had that same right to her. They both knew their choices and actions usually had concern following from the other, and he wouldn't have had it any other way. She smiled like she shared that same thought.

After a moment, she spoke again, her voice clear of emotion as it echoed against the blue-white walls. "Judai."

"I'm alright, Yubel."

She scoffed, bowing her head to hide that smile, small and wry, that he knew was there – he didn't need to look anymore – but even so, he tossed his head to peek at her, the strain on his face easing away at the sight of her smile; Judai liked rare things.

"You lie to me with a straight face, but what of him? Is he not privileged enough to receive the same treatment?" The words hung in the air like a heavy noose, a fault, and Judai turned away, Yubel sighing as she watched him fall into the water, eyes half-lidded and glossy as if lost in a dream. "These things build up, you know that."

He didn't reply. Johan came in twenty minutes later to find Judai with that same stare.

He chided him with a small noise, Yubel agreeing with a scorning grunt – they all knew the emotion that affirmation carried was directed at Johan and not Judai – and Judai managed that same tired smile that had Yubel turning away and fading. Johan didn't ask, and as he walked over, scooping his hands in the lukewarm water to hook his arms under Judai's own, Judai wondered if this choking silence was meant to last.

Then, as if wet clothes were a matter of catastrophe, Judai found his eyes boring into Johan's only to receive a laugh, the sound airy as they both looked down, noting Johan's t-shirt sticking to the flat plain of his stomach and the columns of his arms. But the laughter died, racing with the water to see who would swirl down the drain first as Johan pulled the plug. Judai shivered under the weight of his friend's arm around his shoulders as a red towel found its way around Judai's wet form, the wet boxers were traded for dry ones, and a blue towel fell onto his head with a laugh. The shaking duelist rolled his eyes fondly as Johan led him out of the chilly bathroom into the just as cold hallway, Judai clinging to him like a stubborn man to an outstretched hand, slowly and hesitantly wanting to surrender to the warmth without showing it.

Want. But Judai had gotten used to denying himself of what he wanted.

Eyes closed, he focused on Johan's humming, his damp feet tickled by the soft carpet. He heard Amethyst Cat's call, wordless curiosity, and Judai didn't need to open his eyes to see the expression Johan sent her. The plush cushions of the sofa then enveloped him in the comforts of simple luxury, a quilt following as it fell around his shoulders like a cloak. Johan left with a mention that Judai could turn on the television if he wanted, or he could peek through his deck that was placed near the sofa. Judai choose neither option, settling deeper into the cushions as he plucked at the thick quilt, admiring the patterns of colorful leaves. Ruby Carbuncle leapt onto the couch, Hane Kuriboh following like a shadow, and after a small fit of laughter from Judai, the two spirits found their way into his lap, curled up with a blissful aura.

Minutes passed. Judai didn't count, but the light outside the window was slowly beginning to dim, the snowstorm now merely falling snowflakes.

A buzz was heard from down the hall, Johan's humming following shortly after. "Your clothes are drying. I found an ugly sweater for you, and some sweats." He had that same grin on his face, tired but pleased, that matched the one he had when he opened the door to let Judai in, and Judai found himself smiling along, although he was more tired than happy. Taking a seat next to his friend after placing the clothes at their feet, Johan leaned against him, shoulder to shoulder, arm outstretched to pet the spirits. Ruby lifted her head to smile, pretending to nip at his fingers before she nuzzled herself deeper into the quilt, head resting on Judai's thigh.

"She missed you." The unsaid S_o did I _was acknowledged by the quirk of Judai's lips.

The place where their shoulders connected was burning, Judai separated by a quilt, Johan a t-shirt. But Judai didn't care about boundaries, or at least now he didn't, and that old part of him peeked out when he sunk against the couch, pressing himself harder against Johan, fingers bumping in between their legs. If only to feel something lost, but he knew that it wasn't it – he was tired and stubborn, demanding comfort, and wasn't above taking it.

Johan just laughed, unfazed. Judai, fully aware that he was pathetic, didn't care - it was worth it.

Suddenly, Johan was sitting up, arms outstretched to grab the clothes, Judai watching with a dazed expression. The two spirits leapt away, sleep evading them for the time being as they found their way to Amethyst Cat by the doorway, the feline ushering them off to play elsewhere with a point of her claw. Sighing without a sound, Judai sat back and closed his eyes, focusing only on the shuffling sounds Johan was making.

"Judai? C'mon, don't fall asleep on me, bud."

Brown eyes opened, and Judai blinked, finding Johan's face as his sight focused. Yubel appeared across the room, Cobalt Eagle a silent entity that appeared beside her; both spirits looking curious and uncaring about the still strong rift between Yubel and Johan's family. Clicking his tongue, Johan motioned for Judai to raise his arms, smiling just a bit when his friend complied, Judai's expression pouty at the sudden demand. Warm sleeves went to cover clammy, cold arms, Johan's fingers careful and steady as he worked – there wasn't a reason why Johan would be nervous, they both knew that.

Judai's eyes flickered to Johan's hands as they tugged the sweater down, closing them only to block away that smile that told him that his friend was probably just as much a mother hen as Yubel was (even though she would never admit it). A warm hand on his shoulder caused him to flinch, that same reaction he had at the start of the meeting, only when he opened his eyes he didn't see concerned eyes watching him – no, it was warmth and uncertainty and a barrier broken and a call offering him to break too.

Judai shook his head.

"You know I'm always here for you, right, Judai?

He nodded, and found Johan's small smile more disheartening that comforting. Behind his friend, he noticed the duelist's family, all but Cobalt, stepping in unison into the room, the sight almost beautiful enough for his mouth to part in awe if not for Yubel's tense posture, her claws twitching against her arm as she stared at the spirits with a gaze none too friendly. It never would be kind, and everyone knew it, knew that fickle thread of animosity they were tangled in would never unthread or snap.

A hand found a way to his knee. Judai looked up and traced Johan's boyish grin with his eyes, drunk in it with greed, and managed a grin, the first one that felt real and sincere in days. Yubel's gaze hardened.

Johan stood. "Are you going to talk about it?"

_Would you trust that he'd understand your life, Judai?_

Fingers shaking found their way around black cloth, the loaned sweats chasing away the chill of his skin. The room, the pairs of eyes, everything was too close. Judai wanted room, he wanted rest. He didn't want tension and confliction and witty banter. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hane Kuriboh stare from the entryway in worry - all of the duel spirits looked either apologetic or cautious, and Judai found himself surprised that he found comfort in that.

Sighing, Judai looked up at his friend. "Maybe? It's nothing that important, Johan." He grinned childishly, and prided himself on doing so. "I just wanted some time away from–"

"From?"

Slowly, he rolled his shoulders. Johan chuckled.

"You don't know?" Judai nodded and after a moment, after uncurling his fists and sighing, stood up, throwing an arm over Johan's shoulder. The other laughed in reply, eyebrows knitted in obvious concern, but as always, ever since his arrival, he said nothing. Deep down, Judai was grateful for that, grateful for his friend and his strange form of acceptance although he knew that was far from the truth. It wasn't acceptance.

It was simply a delay. But it was simple for now, right? No questions asked, nothing different, nothing changed. It was what he wanted before he came here: simplicity, and he could lie to himself and say he had it. But even so, at that stupid and reckless wish being realized, the grin on Judai's face was chased away as Yubel's scoff, harsh but quiet, suddenly echoed throughout the room.

_It seems he is privileged enough to earn your lies after all, my love._

Judai never replied.

* * *

_Comments and critique are always welcomed._


End file.
